Info for Cutters -
Here I am on this beautiful cruise in Alaska that is bitter sweet due to the fact that the glaciers are going bye bye (sell your car and get a hybrid and see Inconvenient Truth). There is no vacation for the Wounded Healer. I meet survivors everywhere I go and there’s no way I’m going to say, “hey, I’m on vacation, sorry about your dad raping your but I need a martini…”
So on this huge ship I met another cutter. They are everywhere. I am honored to know hundreds of you who have stopped mutilating for good. Thank you for that. This woman shared with me some information that many of you may find useful. She said during the transition of moving from cutter to non-cutter when you are overcome with the need to mutilate, hold onto two frozen cans of juice in each hand. The feeling of the ice is very similar to the pain wanted and certainly better than cutting. Another technique is to use red markers on your skin instead of a knife or glass or whatever other cutting device you have. Mark yourself up with a red marker instead. She is now no longer a cutter. She said it took her a long time. I shared with her the sword dance too and she laughed and said she’d try it.
More later. I’ll share pictures of Alaska too.
July 5th, 2006 at 6:00 pm
Thanks, Angela, for putting this out there.
These are things that have helped me avoid self injuring when I’m very on the edge and about to do it anyways.
But I also wanted to share this: I went to treatment for self-injury at SAFE Alternatives (http://www.safe-alternatives.com/), which is a program for recovery (the only such program in the country) that is outlined in the book Bodily Harm. One of the things that they taught me there was that doing something like using ice or red marker/dye is counterproductive. Their philosophy is that doing these things perpetuates the belief that you have to take some ACTION and do SOMETHING TO YOUR BODY to deal with uncomfortable feelings. They see anything that you do to your body to avoid sitting with feelings as being something that could interfere with your recovery.
I wanted to share this since it was useful information for me to think about. Personally, I have made the choice to use distractions such as ice, rubber band snapping, and red ink in the past because it is a hell of a lot better than breaking my skin if that’s what I’m about to do. BUT I have definitely found that doing these things keeps me in the habit of doing instead of talking/feeling/crying/whatever else.
Thanks again
July 5th, 2006 at 7:47 pm
I never thought of it like that, using those techniques and it still being a distraction from feeling your emotions. Thanks. I have heard of these techniques, and I also have tried to use some of them even if they are still a distraction because I see your point that it is still better then actually cutting. If it works for now then I am gonna go with it. Sometimes marking my skin really just provokes the thought of cutting for me more because seeing the red marker triggers the response to want to see blood. I found that rubber band snapping hurts like hell and for me doesn’t produce the same type of pain or give me satisfaction because part of the whole thing for me is also seeing the blood. I do know people that it has worked for though. I have never really tried the ice thing even though I have heard about it before and it is worth a shot. Cutting is so difficult to stop, but the less you do it the stronger you get. Although, and I am still in the very beginning for the recovery process for this so I assume my feelings on this may change, it still helps me feel so much better and I know that so as much as I wanna give it up, it is still a huge part of me. I really have to accept my feelings and let it go. But I thank you all for different types of techniques to help or distract myself from actually doing it, anything helps. One big thing that helps me go longer without doing it is talking, telling people how I feel even if I can’t feel the emotions myself.
July 6th, 2006 at 5:24 am
Here’s something that’s been helpful to me. Salt scrubs! Trader Joe’s has a great one called “Purity” for about $5.00. It’s helping me to take care of myself while sort of satisfying that need to “feel”. Take a nice shower and scrub away. You’ll smell great, have soft skin and be tingly all over. Excercise is good too. A vigorous walk. Waking up with sore muscles is better than cut up arms (especially now that its summer and I’d really like to be in short sleeves or sleeveless!!)
July 7th, 2006 at 4:39 pm
I am so glad to see that you are not using techniques like that. I believe that you should simply quit it forever - any self abuse. I met this woman who could not have knives in her house and would even take apart picture frames to get at the glass to cut herself with. She shared the marker and the holding ice tech and I thought you’d find it interesting. It’s nice to see that many of you have moved past that and don’t use any of it.
I say quit all of it for good!
July 13th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
I tried the rubber band snapping thing and it did not produce the same feeling either. It did help distract me long enough to think it out a little longer before I reacted to the impulse. This in a way helped me stop faster. I still struggle with the thoughts but have began to put it in perspective that I want the abuse to stop. I feel like I still give power to my abusers when I continue to abuse myself. I still slip in one form or another but I get back up and try to move foward. Sometimes I wonder how long will this affect my life so much.