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🌿 Celery Queen Jean • Light + Sound + Charge

From Compulsion to Contemplation → a Trauma-informed Light for Reclaiming Your Energy

Here Comes Celery Queen Jean Beaming! This is a real story, told the Angela Shelton way: honest, hilarious, holy, and useful. You’re not “broken.” You’re just leaking energy. Let’s reroute it into light, rhythm, and results.

Get the Celery Queen Jean BEAM Bundle HERE! Shop Holy Hot Mom Now Call to Make Your Own Product!

You get the Celery Queen Jean digital book + membership access immediately. The physical lamp ships later (latest promised delivery: Christmas 2026, likely sooner).

The breakthrough story (aka: how celery became a spiritual weapon)

I’ve been the “funny one” since I was eight. It saved me. It also hid some things. I grew up in a hyper-sexualized environment that confused my nervous system and trained my brain to chase relief. So yeah… I learned how to self-soothe in ways nobody wants to talk about out loud.

And here’s the twist: the same honesty that got me in trouble also made me dangerous (in the best way). I called out perpetrators. I survived. I directed films. I listened to men — especially male survivors — for decades. And I watched how energy, time, shame, lust, and power all connect.

“When you can name the behavior without shame… you can switch the behavior instantly.”

In a community call, I said the quiet part out loud: a lot of people are burning their time and power in private. I called it what it is, put the shame on the table, and then I showed the swap: masturbating → meditating.

And then Jean (God love her) says: “Oh, we can talk about that?” And I said, "Yes, Jean, you can talk about anything with me, the whole point is laying down the shame so we can turn it into a spiritual experience."

And Jean says: “Have you tried celery?”

I laughed so hard that I ascended. Hands up in surrrender, body on floor, can't breathe, omgg laughing so hard. I have come back to Earth to help ya'll. We need this conversation and we need this lamp.

Turn this on when you want to hit the "corn" or the things with batteries - or the celery! THIS right here IS my coaching - we made a ridiculously funny object that interrupts the pattern and turns both into a spiritual moment.

Buy the Celery Queen Jean Bundle

This is the “I’m done leaking energy” bundle. You get the book + membership immediately, and the physical lamp ships when manufacturing is complete. Latest promised delivery: Christmas 2026 (and yes, I’m aiming for way sooner).

So… when do I actually get the lamp?

You get the digital book + membership immediately. The lamp is included in your bundle and ships when manufacturing is complete. The latest promised date is Christmas 2026 (likely sooner). I’ll update buyers along the way with behind-the-scenes progress.

What does it do?

It’s a travel-friendly lamp that looks like celery, with a speaker base and sound modes (hertz tones + optional white/pink noise). The bulb glows warm green/white and can dim up or down depending on the mood. We will share the prototypes with buyers as we go!

What if I change my mind?

Set your policy here (recommended): because this includes instant digital access, you can offer refunds within X days as long as the digital content hasn’t been accessed — or offer store credit. (You choose the vibe.)

Want your own product line? I’ll take you through the whole process.

Celery Queen Jean is the proof: your “weird” can become your weapon. I’ll help you turn your story into an offer, then into a real product, then into sales — without selling your soul.

Option 1: Private Intensives

Create your product out of play and bring it all the way to production and proceeds. We build your first sellable product. I hand you my contacts. You own your life and your work. Clear. No fluff.

Clarity Offer Next Steps
Apply
Own your future.
Apply Now

Option 2: Percentage Partnership

If I really believe in it, or help you come up with it in a playshop we can structure a % of sales with you having the biggest share instead of a big upfront fee.

Aligned Skin in Game
Pitch Me
Let’s play!
Discover Your Idea!

Option 3: Join the Membership

Get support, teachings, lives, and the “stop leaking energy” vibes weekly.

Community Weekly
Join
Ongoing support
Join Membership

*This page is storytelling + product education. Always follow your local laws, common sense, and your body.

🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!
🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!

🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!

$69.00 USD
$69.00 USD
Sale
Single or Double

A Hot Mom Box with a Wand! 

Energy Wand - Meditation Wand • Frequency FUN Companion

Includes: Hot Mom Oil, Celery Wand! CELERY SOLDIERS Membership (excuse me WHAT?!) + Digital Book and updated lives PLUS you are now in the Celery Soldiers! 

Our mission to LAUGH every time you see celery and to use your Celery Queen Jean Wand to elevate your FREQUENCY and all around you! 

For those who know: use this wand as an archon and demon blaster too - join our lives to find out how to use it and to practice laughing and of course see Queen Jean! 

Physical Wand Delivery: APRIL 1st but it's not a joke. May be sooner. Your wand comes with oil - but celery is for EXTERNAL PLAY ONLY

What Is the Celery Queen Jean™ Wand?

The Celery Queen Jean Beam is a WAND! It's an energy shifter, mood lifter, dark aura slayer, laughter and joy weapon! 

It’s a ritual object, a meditation anchor, and a frequency companion designed to help you redirect energy, calm your nervous system, and bring your focus back to what actually matters.

Born from laughter, honesty, and a real breakthrough moment inside the Sacred Circus community, this piece exists to help you move from restless habits → grounded presence → creative flow.

And yes… it’s celery. It looks like a real celery stalk and it's HILARIOUS. 

Sometimes the thing that heals you is the thing that makes you laugh.

And the way to eradicate parasites and demons is STFU: Sacred Truth Frequency United. 

Your Frequency is lifted with LAUGHTER, JOY, and GOD LOVE 

Wave your celery and proclaim and protect your space with profound play! 

Why Celery?

Because all hail Queen Jean and those who know the story. Come into our lives for the full reveal. 

PLUS parasites don't like it. PLUS celery is ancient, medicinal, misunderstood, and wildly underestimated.

Historically, celery was:

  • Displayed in ceremonial vases

  • Used as a symbol of vitality and purification

  • Known for its cleansing properties (physical and energetic)

This piece is symbolic, not edible — but it stands as a reminder that small, simple things can interrupt destructive loops and restore clarity.


What You Get Immediately

When you purchase the Celery Queen Jean™ Beam, you receive immediate access to:

📘 The Celery Queen Jean Digital Book

A funny, honest, sacred story about:

  • Breaking shame cycles

  • Redirecting energy into creativity and calm

  • How this product was born out of shame and secrets and CSA

  • Why laughter is one of the fastest healing tools available!

🎪 Sacred Circus Membership Access and the Holy Hot Mom Squad

  • Private marching orders for Celery Soldiers! 

  • Behind-the-scenes storytelling

  • Access to Sacred Circus teachings, rituals, and creative experiments

You are not “waiting for something with nothing in hand.”

You are entering the circle now.


Why This Exists (The Bigger Picture)

The Celery Queen Jean Wand is part of the Sacred Circus Store — a living marketplace featuring creations from:

  • Survivors

  • Reformers

  • Healers

  • Artists

  • Inventors

  • Hot Moms

  • Sacred weirdos with real ideas

Every product supports:

  • The creator

  • The Sacred Circus Church & Joy Mission

  • A new way of funding art, healing, and sovereignty without exploitation

This is commerce with a soul putting the laughter and joy into your full life, including your finances. 


Who This Is For

This is for you if:

✔ You want a physical object that supports your inner work

✔ You’re tired of scrolling and need something grounding nearby

✔ You appreciate humor + holiness living in the same room

✔ You want to support creators doing things differently

✔ You like being early to something meaningful or you simply cannot stop laughing and MUST OWN THIS!


Price

$69 (of course it is)  

Yes, that number is intentional. Humor is medicine. AND --> YOU ALSO GET THE OIL! 

Get Double for more laughter and to use in your affiliate videos and photos!

Queen Jean gets the majority of the sale. All hail Queen Jean! 

  • Your celery solider boxes ship end of March with a target of April 1s. If you want your oil faster, order a separate oil box. 

Is that Celery in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

You don’t need to be perfect.

You need to LAUGH. 

You don’t need to “fix yourself" or "fix the world" or stay frozen in fear. 

You need to LAUGH and FEEL JOY! 

That’s what the Celery Queen Jean Wand is for! 

We are not waiting to make it all perfect. We are a force of FREQUENCY 

When a Habit Isn’t a Habit — It’s a Nervous System Pattern

Many women quietly struggle with repetitive self-soothing behaviors they don’t fully understand. These habits often begin as survival strategies — ways the body learned to regulate stress, fear, or loneliness when safety was unavailable.

This is not a moral failure. It is not a lack of willpower. And it is far more common than anyone talks about.

In trauma-informed psychology, repetitive behaviors are understood as attempts by the nervous system to self-regulate. The body seeks relief. The mind seeks comfort. And when those needs were unmet early in life, the system finds its own solutions.

The Overlooked Link Between Childhood Trauma and Compulsive Soothing

For survivors of childhood sexual trauma, emotional neglect, or boundary violations, the body often learns to dissociate or self-stimulate as a way to reclaim a sense of control or safety.

This does not mean something is “wrong” with you. It means your body adapted.

Unfortunately, what once protected you can later feel like a loop you can’t escape.

Why Willpower Alone Never Works

Trying to stop a compulsive habit through force often makes it stronger. Shame activates the stress response, which reinforces the very pattern you’re trying to change.

Healing doesn’t come from suppression. It comes from redirection.

The goal is not to “quit” something — it’s to replace it with a ritual that meets the same need at a higher level.

Redirecting Energy Instead of Fighting It

Energy doesn’t disappear when you suppress it. It either intensifies or finds another outlet.

Ancient spiritual traditions understood this well. Sexual energy, creative energy, and spiritual focus were never meant to be split — they were meant to be refined.

This is where ritual matters.

Using Light, Sound, and Time to Create a New Pattern

The Celery Queen Jean Lamp was created as a ritual object — not a replacement, but a redirection.

Light signals safety to the nervous system. Sound regulates brainwaves. Time creates structure.

Instead of responding to an urge automatically, the practice becomes:

  • Turn on the lamp
  • Choose a frequency or white/pink noise
  • Set a timer for 10 minutes
  • Breathe, sit, or gently move

You are not denying the body. You are guiding it.

From Compulsion to Contemplation

When the urge passes — and it will — something remarkable happens. Clarity returns. Energy becomes available again.

Many women report increased creativity, emotional steadiness, and financial focus when nervous system loops are gently interrupted.

This is not about perfection. It’s about practice.

Why Trauma-Informed Healing Is Different

Trauma-informed healing does not demand silence or purity. It honors the intelligence of the body while offering safer pathways forward.

You are not broken. You are adapting.

And adaptation can evolve.

A New Daily Ritual

The lamp becomes a physical reminder: pause first.

Over time, the pause becomes the preference.

This is how patterns change — not through force, but through familiarity.

🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!
🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!

🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!

$69.00 USD
$69.00 USD
Sale
Single or Double

Join the Sacred Circus Store

The Sacred Circus Store is a marketplace for reformers, survivors, Army-of-Angels humans, creators, healers, inventors, and hot moms who turn pain into products—and profits into mission. The Celery Queen Jean Beams are in our circus tent store as well as apparell, instruments, and an apothecary.

What is this store?

It’s part retail, part revival, part economic exhale. We sell products made by real humans with real stories—then a portion of the store’s share helps fund the Sacred Circus mission: joy, healing, sovereignty, and practical freedom.

Want to be a vendor, performer, or artist?

If you have a product, performance, service, or art that belongs in a mission-driven marketplace—and/or our live events—apply here.

Apply to Join the Store

Want Angela to help you create your own product?

I’ll take you from idea → prototype → sourcing → pricing → story → launch. You can choose a one-time build fee (you keep the IP), or a partnership model if we both believe it’s a rocket.

Contact / Book a Call

Celery Queen Jean (Founder Bundle)

A celery-shaped lamp + speaker + charger + “hertz vibes” concept born from one hilarious line in a meeting: “Have you tried celery?” This isn’t just a product—it’s a reminder that the fastest way out of shame is often laughter + a new ritual.

  • Instant access: Celery Queen Jean mini-book + behind-the-scenes build updates
  • Bonus: frequency / focus audio (study, sleep, calm, “get your life together”)
  • Founder status: early perks + limited first-run priority
  • Device delivery target: by Christmas 2026 (often sooner as manufacturing progresses)

Founder note: This purchase includes immediate digital goods and community access. The physical device is produced as manufacturing milestones are met. You’ll receive regular updates. Refund/fulfillment terms will be clearly posted on the product page.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is compulsive self-soothing a trauma response?

Yes, it can be. Many repetitive behaviors are linked to nervous system regulation, especially for individuals with early emotional or boundary trauma.

Can meditation really replace unwanted habits?

Meditation works best when paired with physical cues like light, sound, and structure — which help the body feel safe enough to shift patterns.

Is this about shame or sin?

No. A Profoundly Playful approach removes shame entirely and focuses on healing, awareness, and redirection.

How long does it take to notice a change?

Many people notice a shift within days. Long-term change builds through consistency, not pressure.

Is this religious?

No. It is spiritual in the sense that it honors mind-body integration and intentional living.

🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!
🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!

🌱✨ CELERY SOLDIERS Box and WAND!

$69.00 USD
$69.00 USD
Sale
Single or Double