🌿 Celery Queen Beam™

Meditation Lamp • Hertz Player • Speaker • Charger

From Masturbating → Meditating → Monetizing

A Breakthrough Tool for Focus, Energy & Creation

✨ What Is Celery Queen Beam?

Celery Queen Beam™ is a celery-shaped meditation lamp designed to help you shift energy, calm the nervous system, and redirect attention into creativity, clarity, and income-producing focus.

It’s playful. It’s sacred. It’s practical.

And yes — it makes you laugh while it works.

This is not just a lamp.

It’s a ritual object.

🌱 What You Get (Clear + Simple)

When you purchase Celery Queen Jean™ ($47), you receive:

✅ The Celery Queen Jean Lamp (delivered once manufacturing is complete)

✅ Built-in Speaker for sound, meditation, or white/pink noise

✅ Hertz Frequency Playback (core, sacral & grounding tones)

✅ Dimmable Light – from soft glow to bright clarity

✅ Charging Capability (USB / travel-friendly design)

✅ Immediate Access to Membership Content (no waiting)

✅ The Digital Book: Celery Queen Jean

  – the story

  – the science

  – the spiritual humor

  – how celery became a tool for focus & parasite-clearing culture

📦 Lamp delivery timeline:

Estimated 6–9 months (often faster).

This is not a Kickstarter and not a pre-order scam — it’s a direct-to-community product rollout backed by real sales, real manufacturing, and real humans.

You get content immediately while the physical product is completed.

💡 Why Celery?

Celery isn’t random.

Historically, celery was placed on elite dining tables, displayed in ornate vases, and revered as a purifying plant.

Modern research + ancestral wisdom show celery supports:

• Focus
  
  

• Detox pathways
  
  

• Parasite resistance (physical & energetic)
  
  

• Nervous system regulation
  
  

You can’t eat this lamp —

but you can turn it on and let it work on your environment.

🔊 What It Does (In Real Life)

Turn on Celery Queen Jean when you feel:

• Scattered
  
  

• Overstimulated
  
  

• Compulsively reaching for old habits
  
  

• Disconnected from your body
  
  

• Stuck creatively
  
  

• Tired but wired
  
  

Use it for:

• Meditation
  
  

• Breathwork
  
  

• Focused work sessions
  
  

• Bedside calming
  
  

• Replacing unconscious habits with conscious ritual
  
  

This is behavioral alchemy, not shame-based self-control.

😂 The Origin Story (Short Version)

Celery Queen Beam was born from a moment of radical honesty, laughter, and liberation.

A woman named Jean.

A celery joke.

A meditation breakthrough.

And a realization:

👉 When you name the habit, remove shame, and replace it with something sacred, behavior can change instantly.

Celery Queen Jean exists because humor + truth + ritual work better than force.

🧠 This Is For You If…

✔ You’re ready to reclaim your time and attention

✔ You like spiritual tools that don’t take themselves too seriously

✔ You want a physical object that anchors new habits

✔ You appreciate beauty, humor, and meaning in your space

✔ You want to support creator-led products instead of big systems

🚫 What This Is NOT

❌ Not a medical device

❌ Not a cure

❌ Not FDA-approved magic claims

❌ Not porn, shame, or suppression

❌ Not a gimmick without follow-through

It’s a tool, a story, and a signal to your nervous system.

🔥 The Bigger Invitation (Optional, Not Required)

Celery Queen Jean is part of a larger ecosystem of:

• Holy Hot Mom products
  
  

• Ritual tools
  
  

• Live events
  
  

• Product creation mentorship
  
  

If this lamp speaks to you, you’ll naturally find the next step.

No pressure. No funnels from hell.